In my three years of being separated, and eventually divorced, I have dated a number of men. Discounting the fact that everything nowadays happen fast (hello dating apps), I would have cringed and branded myself a slut. 
But apparently if you are single these days, the saying ‘there is strength in numbers’ holds true. The higher the number the thicker your cushion. So they say. 

There were a couple of men I can say I liked in different ways. One made me feel like i was sixteen again; another a brand new woman full of sex and life; and another one introduced me to a happy place full of laughter and friendship. 

There is one I feel deeply connected with in a psychic level. Mystical. 

But.

None of them ever crossed that boundary. That line that takes knowing to a different level.

I can’t even say if I felt almost – at least almost in love with any one of them. Relationships have a much shorter lifespan these days – they end just right before I can even finish spelling the word. 

After hearing the most recent ‘goodbye’, I bid adieu to Tinder. I figured, using the app just magnifies the heartache and disappointment I get ten folds compared to traditional dating – if it still exists.

Why would I keep doing that to myself? Am I nuts?! Maybe.

I’m close to giving up – though I’m not quite there yet. And tell you what, I’m looking forward to giving up. I can’t wait not to care anymore. It will sure be fun.